If Walls Could Talk [ Kes and Ashen]

"You'll get used to it they said, it's not that big they said, it's not as heavy as that brick they said. Fucking liars..." Trails grumbled under his breath as he drug Frank through the sand towards the NLR outpost.

As always he stopped before the road became pavement again to stuff his cut into his saddle bags. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath and look at the miles long drag mark Frank had left in the sand. The giant bag had slowed him down a full week over the course of the trip, which did nothing to improve his mood. Papa Khan knew he was going for a while to help a friend with something urgent, Trails had already done triple duty for a few weeks to make up for it, but this was pushing it. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, but reconsidered and put them back in his bags.

The buck behind the counter had the reaction Trails had expected when he bucked open the door and dragged Frank into the outpost. Namely, loudly saying holy shit to themselves before standing up to get a better look. Trails flung Frank next to the counter, letting him fall open to reveal his contents: 6,640 caps. The profits from the gold bar he'd picked up in Filly and sold to some buck from Tenpony.

"Take it you had a profitable trip back east." said Cuss, whistling at the bag. "What you looking to with it?"

"Buy a house." Trails stated simply, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one, feeling the stress evaporate with the first puff. He offered Cuss one, which the old soldier took, before continuing. "I trust you've got something available worth my caps."

"Back west, hell yeah, we've got pre war suburbs just asking for a pony who doesn't know any better to buy into. Here, the pickings are slimmer." Cuss pulled out a ledger marked 'property' and dropped it, leafing through. "How much you got?"

"7 grand all told."

"For that the best I can get you is Nipton, you looking for settling down in that party town?" Trails gave Cuss a look that clearly said 'keep guessing', Cuss nodded and flipped further into the book. "Didn't think so, honestly the best thing we've got is this ranch that just got abandoned. It's rough around the edges, but the land is worth it. But it's at 11 grand."

Trails smiled and set down his repeater and old revolver. Before Cuss could say anything he opened his saddle bags and pulled out his combat armor, setting next to the rest of his gear on the counter. "That's worth 5636 caps to you, combine that with the 6640 caps in my bag there and I've got more than enough. So, how about we cut the haggling and you give me the deed and I take 1276 caps out of the sack?" Trails said with a grin.

Cuss laughed and nodded, taking Trails' gear off the counter while he took out the caps left over from Frank after the deal. Trails signed the deed while two troopers came up to grab Frank and drag him back to the safe. Ten minutes later Trails walked out of the outpost with a set of keys to 'Wolfhorn Ranch' as good a home as any.

Kestrel had been waiting outside the office for Trails to exchange his caps for whatever it was that he was buying. The stallion had roped him into helping him out on some sort of renovation project. Considering the last 'mission' he had had, this would be a welcome change.

Manual Labor is good for the soul. Kestrel remembered his father saying to him a few weeks prior.

Hopefully that would be true.

As Trails exited the building Kestrel would look up at him then, as he began to walk away, take up his usual position towards the back of the group.

Ashen Coat stared at his pipbuck as ponies walked by, flipping switches as he went through the schematics he had uploaded into the device. The unicorn had been doing more experimenting recently, trying out different designs for modifications for weapons, barrels, actions, as well improved parts for his own preferred energy weapons, although he focused on improvements for more traditional weapons as that’s what most of his customers used. Not all his designs have been too successful though, like his idea for hoofmade scopes hasn’t exactly worked yet...most of his attempts have been broken, melted messes.

That’s not why he was here though, no, he was here to help out Happy Trails with a...’Renovation’ project of his, part of the deal they worked out for him getting the Police Barding he was wearing and the Bolt Rifle strapped on his back.

Ashen being the smart pony he is, was able to guess what exactly Trails was doing, based on where they at and the general surroundings. He was, most likely, going to buy a house of some sort with the large amount of Caps he had in his sack, ‘Frank’. And Ashen was there to make sure all the plumbing and appliances and such were working properly. If he was right, this shouldn’t all be too hard. NLR buildings seemed to usually be better cared for then what you’d find in the Equestrian Wasteland, so there shouldn’t be many problems.

He wasn’t sure if it was worth the long trip though...Well, he would think that if he wasn’t getting his Bolt Rifle from the deal. With that, it just might be a bit worth it.

Before he could contemplate any further, Trails was walking out of the building, with Kestrel soon following. Ashen shut off his pipbuck’s monitor and silently followed the two. Better get this job done now, it hopefully shouldn’t take too long...

Trails walked through Nipton, filled with its normal fair of drunken NLR soldiers and hookers, with a spring in his step. It was nice not having Frank with him anymore, and even nicer to hear the jingle of keys roped around his neck. He remembered Wolfhorn's location from his many trips in and out of the Mohoofe, though he'd never seen the actual ranch proper. He remembered his first time passing it fondly, with the pony outside swinging a cleaver at some freshly slaughtered brahmin.

Trails turned at the ridge where they'd killed those raiders all those months ago and trotted up the path. Wolfhorn was...perfect...almost. The land was wide open and spacious, already seeded with matured crops. His heart raced when he saw the coyote tobacco, looking forward to smoking it later. There was also a patch of maize, some barrel cacti, and a few other cultivated plants waiting to be tended to and picked. Serving as a cherry on top was the water pump going into the well, he saw that it was connected to an underground system which no doubt fed the house. Indoor plumbing...

It was at this point Trails looked up at his house for the first time. It was a prewar ranch home, he guess 4 or so bedrooms with a common area and kitchen. It was more than a guess, more of an observation, with the hole pocked roof and windowless face. He turned the key and entered. The inside was, well to put it nicely, rough. Some walls had large holes in them, some were partially gone, the doors hung on warped hinges, and worst of all the kitchen's counter and tiles were some ghastly green.

"Alright Kes, hope you're ready for demo." he said, shrugging off his saddlebags and tossing them outside. "We're gonna open up this floor plan, take down the dividing walls between the kitchen, dining room, and common area. Turn the foyer into a half-wall, take out this ruined carpet, patch the walls, fix the doors, and best of all," he paused to flip a switch and turn the nobs to the sink, both yielded nothing, "Ashen, you're gonna get the plumbing sorted and patch us into the grid. Ready? Break." Trails slammed his hoof on the counter as he said his final word, shattering the horrid green tile beneath it.

Kestrel pulled off his gear and set it down in a neat pile outside the front door before following his friend inside. What greeted him was not exactly the greatest of all humble abodes. The walls had holes, the air was stale, and by the Void that was an UGLY shade of green.

He was just about to ask what he was to do next when Trails was so kind as to provide that answer for him in the form of a punch.

This will be interesting Kes mused walking over to one of the walls that was destined to come down. He looked it over for a minuted, mapping out his plan of attack.

Then all hell broke loose. Fists, talons, feet, and arms went flying as Kestrel started tearing up the wall. Each blow precise and carefully aimed so that the momentum Kestrel picked up would flow right into the next hit.

The wall never stood a chance.

Ashen raised an eyebrow as he entered the building, to put it mildly the place was in a lot worse shape than he initially suspected...That was unfortunate, this job would require more work than he originally suspected. Still, it did not look like a totally lost cause, although a significant amount of work was going to be required. Materials as well, more trips would have to be made to Nipton he suspected.

Regardless, there was no sense in contemplating things anymore, there was work to be done. The unicorn nodded at Trails as he told him to head down and inspect the piping, fix any issues and make sure it was connected into the NLR’s grid. He doubted the piping would be major concern, the house looked old, not poorly built. At most he’d have to replace any that were rusted through. He estimated that the job would take no more than an hour.

Heading outside, and away from the griffon wrecking ball that was Kestrel, the unicorn quickly located the outer entrance of the basement. He wrenched open the rusted doors and stepped down, turning on the light of his pipbuck to illuminate the area...And quickly came to the conclusion that his previous estimate would need to be...reevaluated.

“............What.”

It became abundantly clear that no sane pony designed this...this...abomination of piping. The entire ceiling of the basement was covered in a tangle, jumbled mishmash of pipes spread out in every direction, many with no discernible purpose, ending in dead ends. He even saw several loops inside the mess of piping, just there for no real purpose other than the designer must have been really bored and had no life. He would of been surprised if the piping here ever worked in the first place.

But that wasn’t the worst part.

No, the worst part had to be...

The S-Bends. Nothing but S-Bends.

Over half the system was comprised of nothing but S-Bends, pipes that were never meant to be used like...THAT. How the designed managed to even ACCOMPLISH that was nothing but a miracle, but it was one that made Ashen’s brain hurt so very, very much. He could almost hear the little pony in his head crying at the mere sight of it. Ashen’s mouth was even agape.

When you consider his usual reaction to...anything, that being a blank stare, to see even this much out of him would be startling if anyone was actually here to see it.

It took Ashen a full minute to get over the shock of the abomination of engineering that was before him. His mouth slowly closed as the gears started grinding in his mind. A plan was formulated.

But first...where would he get a blowtorch...

Trails smashed the hideous crime against the sighted that was the green tile decorating the kitchen beneath his hooves. The tiles spiderwebbed with each hit, more and more, until they were nothing but a hideous green powder. He then swept it onto the floor with a brush of his tail, looking for the next target. The sink. He'd be dammed if some ceramic nightmare sat in his kitchen.

He turned and bucked the living shit out of the puce colored nightmare that was the sink. It flew into the dividing wall and shattered into a jagged pile on the floor. Trails looked at it satisfied, and then felt the holy hand of inspiration reach down and touch him. He charged the wall, a wild look in his eyes, and dove through it. Sheetrock and plaster gave way into a cloud of white dust, filling the room. Trails came to a rolling stop and looked at the whole he left, before he could catch his breath he was at it again. After three swan dives and one tackle the wall stood all but felled, only studs remaining.

"Hey Kes, I got an idea." He called to the griffon as he bucked the studs down. "I think a granite counter top would look really nice, and I know the perfect place to get some. That old quarry past Goodsprings."

Kestrel had just finished tearing out the wall he was engaged in epic battle with. It failed to prove itself worthy of then title of opponent.

At Trails' mentioning of the quarry Kestrel nodded and decided to follow him. He had heard about the quarry before, never had been there though. Why not pay them a visit?

Ashen soon found...almost, exactly what he was looking for. A propane tank buried under a pile of wood. It was not the blowtorch he was hoping for, but with the right parts he could work with it. He lifted the tank out of the wood and shook it, sounded full enough. And it didn’t look too rusted either, it would serve his purpose well. He grabbed a dirty foldable table and dragged the two outside, opening on the table and setting it down on the ground, before setting the tank on it. He then went back inside, and scavenged around the cluttered basement, soon finding exactly what he was looking for, a old hose, some scrap metal, matches, wonderglue, and a hammer. He carried his materials back outside.

It was around this time he noticed that there was no activity inside the house, or at least activity he could hear. Curious, the unicorn peeked inside and saw that it was empty, Kestrel and Trails must of went out to find some supplies.

Satisfied with his explanation, the unicorn went back outside to his materials. He’d need to be a bit careful for this, but if he did it right he should be fine. Probably. First, he’d need to get a fire going, a hot one. He’d need the scrap metal workable to attach the hose to the tank. He went around the property, gathering scrap wood and assembling them into a fire, along with some brush and lighter fluid. One blast from the Bolt Rifle later and he had a fire going.

The unicorn stuck the scrap metal in the core of the fire, in the glowing coals. While he waited for that to heat up he lifted up the hose and compared it to the propane tank, of course they didn’t match. No matter, that’s what wonderglue was for. He took the hose and fit it over the tank’s nozzle, before taking the wonderglue and fixing the end of the hose over the nozzle, sealing it and securing it. He carefully set both down as he turned to the scrap metal.

Levitating the metal out of the fire, the unicorn examined the metal, it was hot enough to be shaped. Taking the metal to the other end of the hose, holding it against the metal end, Ashen took a hammer and started hitting the metal, bending it around the hose end.

Several minutes later, Ashen had a respectable nozzle formed on the end of the hose, cooling off in the open air as he had no water to cool it with otherwise. He let the entire contraption sit on the table so everything could set, before going back down to the basement and planning how exactly he was going to do this...

Trails took a long swig from his canteen as they approached the rock quarry. In his head he was already thinking of what color he should paint the cabinets to match his new countertops. Something dark, maybe it would be better to replace them entirely. Perhaps a rich mahogany. Yes...he liked that a lot.

"Howdy," he called to the miners, distracting them from their drinking game. "I'm looking for a 10 or so foot slab of granite, something dark with a good pattern in it. You got that?"

"Sure," answered what looked to be the head miner, an old pony with a large bushy beard. "It'll cost you though."

"We can talk price when I see it, lead on." Trails finished with a wave of his hoof.

Kestrel couldn't help but feel this was a bit too easy. Just walk in, get a slab of rock, and walk out. Still he kept his beak shut and his senses on full alert. The instant things went wrong, Kes was ready to respond.

Hopefully that cold knot in his stomach was just a left over from that terrible mess that was today's breakfast though, and not to be trusted at all.

The group walked into the quarry, the majority of the miners choosing to stay behind and continue their drinking. The head miner pointed over to some precut slabs of granite. Trails eagerly trotted over to them and began scrutinizing the grain and color of each slab, looking for the perfect one. There were a variety of swirl patterns, a few grains that reminded him of the old timber furniture the NLR had in their outpost, and shades that varied from interesting to down right awful. One stood out though, a nice large slab in a darker shade than all the others, it's grain was intricate and beautiful, like a spiderweb almost.

"Much for this one?" Trails asked, turning to the old miner.

"Well, I'd say-" the old stallion was cut off as a giant beast erupted from the earth and grabbed him. The stallion started screaming for help as he was dragged below the ground.

"Holy shit." yelled Trails, jumping back to avoid falling down the shaft with the old buck. "Holy fuck, fucking Hellhounds, fuck that." He turned and grabbed the slab, surprised that it was only slightly heavier than Frank, and began dragging it.

As he did so more miners came running, their steps staggered with drunkenness. One called out asking what the hell was going on. Before Trails could answer, a pair of the monsters jumped from the ground and took down two more miners. The party had their answer, and in unison tried to turn and run. More Hellhounds surfaced, each using their terrifying claws to shred the miners and drag them underground.

Thus far things seemed to be going well. Trails had found his slab of rock, the miners were about to name a price for it and...oh...Hellhounds. Huh, how bout that.

Compared to the others Kestrel had a much more...subdued reaction to the sudden introduction of the hellhounds. He did not scream or shout or even really blink. His pupils just dilated and he set about getting his job done and then leaving.

Turning he saw that Trails was in the process of dragging away his chosen slab of stone. Without a word the gryphon moved to assist his friend. Latching his powerful talons onto the slab and lifting it up. A quick flap of his wings and Kes was airborne, taking most of the weight of the stone with him.

If Trails would let him, Kes would just completely take off and start flying away with the slab. If Trails insisted on helping, at least the big gryph's help would make moving this damned slice of rock a lot simpler.

Trails let go of the slab and let all four of his legs go into 'oh shit' mode. His legs became steel springs, throwing him down the road and away from the giant ass monsters behind him. He must have been channeling a leopard, because there was no way Trails should have been able to run as fast as he did. After all, the buck smoked almost two packs a day, 10 feet should've left him winded. The only explanation was adrenaline and terror creating a cocktail that beat any steroid and sent him on his way.

Trails looked up at Kes as the big gryphon flew off with the slab and yelled, "Go on to the ranch, i'll catch up." Just as he finished a hellhound swiped at him with a massive paw, barely missing and shaving a few hairs on his mane. "That aint funny Celestia, that's why Luna's better, she's actually funny. You're just a-" His next 'blasphemy' was cut short as another paw came too close for comfort. Trails decided to leave the sacrilege for later and just ran as fast as his hooves could carry him back to the ranch.

Kestrel obeyed his friends order, taking off to higher altitudes and carrying the slab back towards the house. He kept an eye on his friend though, watching from on high as the buck narrowly avoided getting his head shaved...into two even pieces.

"Run." Kes thought, as if the message would actually get through. Then he took off towards the horizon. He trusted Trails would be alright for now. If the buck didn't keep up, Kes would be stopping in Sloan, dropping off the slab and going back to get him.

Kes may be good at taking orders, but he was bad at leaving behind those close to him.

By the time Trails got back to Wolfhorn the sun was fast setting and the adrenaline high had left him. His legs were seized up from running further than he had in years. I forgot just how much I hate distance running. Why did the quarry have to be all the way on the other side of the ruddy desert? Wait...no, that's a good thing, don't want Hellhounds on my doorstep. That'd kill the property values.

Trails chose to relax with the tedium of pulling up the flooring. He found himself wishing for a knife as he pried the carpet up with a spatula he found in the kitchen. Grabbing the free corner in his mouth, he slowly walked backward, peeling the floor like an orange. To his surprise, the builder and laid the carpet in one massive section that felt like it had been glued down with silly putty. He found a greater surprise when he came back in from tossing the carpet over the cliff on the far edge of the property. The carpet had hidden hard wood mahogany flooring, it was rough and in severe need of buffing, but it was there in all its glory.

"It's...beautiful."

Kestrel hadn't needed to go back for Trails luckily enough, so he had just turned on the power and flown the massive slab of granite all the way to the Ranch. Setting it down gently outside until it was needed.

By the time he had gotten that done and Trails had shown up the gryphon had been waiting for a few minutes. He'd offered help in getting up the carpet where he could, then again had waited on his friend to return from the cliff before doing anything else.

Kestrel did have to admit he was surprised to see mohogony in a home. He'd only found that in some of the fancy ruins he'd raided in Manehatten and other city's before. To find it out here in the middle of the desert? Impressive.

"It'll need some care." Kes commented, motioning towards the floor. It was scratched to high heavens and needed some serious work to be considered 'beautiful' once again.

Trails nodded in agreement to Kes' observation. "Just like everything else in this house. For now let's get back to demo in the kitchen so we can install the slab."

Trails turned to the kitchen and saw that the only thing left undone was completely removing the old counters. He backed up to the edge of one end, waving to tell Kes to do the same at the opposite.

"On three...one...two...three." on three Trails bucked it hard.

Kestrel silently followed the orders given to him, moving into position and finding a nice soft spot to target.

"On three...one...two...three."

The instant Trails said 3 Kestrel struck out with a vicious palm-strike, using all his strength to try busting the counter loose.

Trails turned on a backhoof to see the old, horridly green, counter top pop off. To his horror, it took more than a small chunk of the cabinets below with it, and above it. The counter had been a one piece deal with the lower cabinetry, and he and Kes a little too zealous with their removal, crushing the upper. Trails let out a groan and got to finishing the job, bucking the splintered remains and tossing the boards into the dusty yard.

"We'll just have to add in some new cabinets to the plan." he sighed.

Kestrel only offered a grunt in acknowledgement to the new item on the list. Cabinets? Easy enough...one just had to know where to look after all.

"What's next?"

Trails looked at the house with a critical eye, thinking over his next move. The demo was complete for the most part, just a few things here or there. Wonder how Ashen's coming along with getting us back into the grid. He did a quick walk through the house, double checking his mental list before sending Kes to check on the unicorn.

"I'll start taking out the patches of walls with holes in them, can you go and check on Ashen?"

Kestrel gave a nod to the request and padded off towards the basement, the last place that Ashen had been located in. Quietly as he could the big griffon moved down into the darkness, giving a sharp whistle to get Ashen's attention should he be down there.